walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
