I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
