A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize