If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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