I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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