The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
