My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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