How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize