you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
