soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
