Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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