you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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