i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize