I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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