how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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