You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
