bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
