haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize