the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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