We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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