I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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