I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
