i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
