One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
