Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
