I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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