Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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