I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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