im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
