Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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