I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
