Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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