R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
