I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
