here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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