You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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