y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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