I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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