Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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