She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
