just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
