We named our party play list daddy issues
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
