tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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