so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
