My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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