that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I believe in your delicious
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
