We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
