I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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