worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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