I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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