now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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