dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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