you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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