Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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