You really coming over, don't trick.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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