so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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