I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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