Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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