so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
