that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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