Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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