Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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