i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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