If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
