Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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