the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
