I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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