those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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