I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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