theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
