Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
