Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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