My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize